lack of freedom & fulfilment
Speed up, slow down, work more, work less, do more with less or do more, more, more. We're made to feel guilty for slowing down and not good enough if we don't work enough to feel burnt out.
I have a good job, but it does nothing for me. There's no challenge, no fulfilment and no further avenues of progression. I'm miserable. I've always been a problem-solver and a leader. They came naturally to me and it's something I've always leaned into, the mentality of 'get shit done' kept me going. Unfortunately, this has led me to the edge of a cliff with no place left to go.
I don't want to work to fulfil a pay check or for the happiness of a boss. I don't want to work to make more, more, more or compete against other's in the hope of getting a quick shout out at the next group meeting.
I want to be free to create whatever the fuck I want. I want autonomy and to not have to think about asking permission to do something. Most importantly, I want enough. I want to be able to leave without fear of being trapped in a role simply for the money.
I've spent 9 years in the same place, I've got as far as I'm going to go and now I'm so lost that I can't see the trees through the forest. It feels as though I became so comfortable that my skills are stuck in the past and I'm a man out of time and out of place.
I love learning, but it's much more difficult to learn something with the intention of turning into an opportunity. I want to remain positive, but it's tough not to feel like things are heading to inevitable failure.
I'm feeling sorry for myself I guess, I know things will work out one way or another and that I'm being hard on myself because I want to be doing something fulfilling or at the very least, working towards a goal.
Tomorrow is another day.
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